


a kind of emptiness

by valkyriered



Series: hearts and bones [5]
Category: Fruits Basket
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Depression, Eating Disorders, Family Dynamics, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25704955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyriered/pseuds/valkyriered
Summary: When Hatori gets home, Rin is still in her room. The food that he left for her is untouched.part of hearts & bones AU. Contains manga spoilers.
Relationships: Sohma Hatori & Sohma Rin, Sohma Hatsuharu/Sohma Rin
Series: hearts and bones [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809343
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	a kind of emptiness

When Hatori gets home, Rin is still in her room. The food that he left for her is untouched. He stares at the jelly in the fridge, as though trying to divine her condition through the little pink cup.

He closes the fridge door, and then walks over to her bedroom and knocks lightly on the door. No answer.

“I’m coming in.” He warns, and pushes the door open.

She’s still in bed, in the dark. Her curtains are drawn. She’s still laying down facing the wall, in the same position she was in that morning. He sighs.

“Are you hungry?”

“Get out.” Rin says. She sounds exhausted.

“I will. Can you eat something?”

She ignores his question. “You’ve been with Akito.”

“I have.”

“I can feel it on you.” She says. She pulls the blankets up around her. “I don’t want you near me.” 

Hatori has no easy response for that. He still attends to Akito, even after Rin’s imprisonment. He keeps his mind carefully blank when he does, focusing only on Akito’s injections and medications and calmly responding to her requests. He doesn’t think about how those small, slight hands pushed Rin out of a window, or cut her hair, or beat her down. He doesn’t think about the way Rin’s ribs stick out more than ever.

“Okay.” Hatori says. “Do you want me to call Haru?”

“I don’t want _anything_ from you. Get out.” 

It’s almost comforting when Rin is vicious with him. At least it means she’s feeling spirited. “Can I open the curtains?” He asks. A little sunshine might make her feel better, after all the darkness in the Cat’s Room. But more often than not, Rin seems to prefer being in the dark now. 

“Get out!” Rin sits up and throws something at him, and it’s only after it bounces off his chest that Hatori realizes it’s one of Momiji’s rabbit stuffed animals. When he looks again he realizes that there are a few in bed with her, of varying shapes and sizes.

So Momiji was here, then.

“Okay.” 

He steps out of the room and closes the door. He doesn’t leave right away— he stands there, staring at his hand on the doorknob. He wants to be able to do more for her. His continued attendance to Akito only causes her pain. He’s a Jyuunishi too, though— he’s trapped. This is his life. He knows he has Akito all over him. She’d touched him too much today, he shouldn’t have come home right afterwards. Of course it would upset Rin.

He ends up retreating into his office in a belated attempt to put more distance between them. Maybe it’ll set her off less. Maybe she’ll want to eat by the time dinner rolls around. Maybe, maybe, maybe. He pulls his latest book off of his desk and reads it without really reading it, mindlessly running his eyes over the same page over and over again. Rin is still rolling around in his head.

He hears the front door open and looks up from his book. Both children are already accounted for and in their respective rooms. He runs through the list of people that would be comfortable entering his house without knocking as he puts his book away and opens his office door.

Haru is standing in the doorway to the house, calmly taking off his shoes.

“Haru.”

Haru glances up. “Hi.” 

“Are you here to see Isuzu?”

“Yeah.” Haru stands up fully. He looks at Hatori for a moment. “You feel like Akito.”

“I know.”

Haru tilts his head, his eyes drifting towards the hallway. “She must be pretty upset.”

“I know.” Hatori says again, irritated. Of course he knows she’s upset. “Did she call you?”

“Momiji did earlier.”

“I see.” Before Hatori had even come home, then. Probably right after Momiji had been in bed with her. He wonders what Rin had said to Momiji that caused him to call Haru. 

“She always feels like you’re picking Akito over her when you see him.” Haru says. “She doesn’t forgive like you do.”

“I haven’t forgiven anyone.” Hatori says. “Some of us don’t have the same options the rest of you do.”

“I’m not judging you.” 

“Good.” Hatori says. 

Hatori turns back into his office and lets his door slide shut with a satisfying thud behind him. He’s not childish enough to slam it, even as his fingers itch with unreleased frustration. He leans against his closed door and takes a deep breath. Out in the main room, he hears the creaking of Haru’s steps moving deeper into the house, the sound of Rin’s door opening and shutting. 

He doesn’t know why he’s being so short with Haru. Haru’s been nothing but good and helpful since Rin came back from the Cat’s Room. There are times when Rin can’t bear to be around Hatori for any number of reasons (because he upset her during a check-up, because he stroked her hair by accident, and most often because he’s been with Akito). During those times, Haru can be there. Haru can hold her when she can’t stand to let Hatori touch her. Haru doesn’t need to check on Akito every day and take care of her and force himself not to think about how she hurt his children.

Hatori sighs and rubs at his face. It’s not fair to take his feelings out on Haru. He’s a child. It’s up to Hatori to be one of the few adults in this family. 

He pushes his door back open and goes into the kitchen to make tea. The routine of it is calming— putting the kettle on the stove, the crack-crack of the gas lighting, the gentle noise of the water beginning to boil. Rin left a book on the kitchen counter, and he idly thumbs through it as he waits for his water to heat. It’s one Shigure lent him ages ago and he never bothered to return. It’s dog-eared on plenty of pages, and Hatori can tell that either Rin or Momiji have read it countless times.

Hatori looks up as a door opens in the house. He can hear Haru talking, and two sets of footsteps. He closes the book and puts it back on the counter, and then steps into the living room.

Rin has her fingers laced in Haru’s, and she’s carrying a pair of boots. They thankfully have lower heels, but Hatori still eyes them suspiciously. She’s not as steady on her feet yet as she could be, and her penchant for heels worries him. 

“Where are you going?” Hatori asks.

Rin flinches. “Out.” She says, without bothering to look at Hatori. Haru looks down at Rin, slightly surprised by her rudeness. Hatori is aware that Rin doesn’t hold her tongue with anyone— he doesn’t know why Haru would be so shocked that she’s cold with him as well. 

Hatori is used to it at this point. “Wear a coat.” He says. “And call if you’re not coming back tonight.”

Rin doesn’t say anything. She sits down and busies herself with her boots.

Haru answers for her. “We’ll call.”

Hatori doesn’t respond— he just turns away and heads back into the kitchen to finish preparing his tea. 

He hates this. Fighting with Rin reminds him of when she fell out a window. She’d finally gotten used to him, and then the damage from her fall had been so traumatizing that she could barely stand to be around anyone. It had taken months to peel her back out of her shell, and she was still guarded with him after that. It had been a major, ruinous setback for her. It had been agony to watch.

He doesn’t want that for her again. He wants her happy and healthy. He doesn’t want to hear her cry at night. 

At least this time, she’s willing to ask for help. She’ll tell Hatori when she’s feeling ill or when she’s upset. She’ll ask him to be with her when she doesn’t want to be alone. She comes to him when the fear gets overwhelming and she needs him to calm her down. They have their fights and setbacks, but this time she’ll still come back to him afterwards. 

And the other major difference that Hatori can’t ignore— her friends. Haru and Tohru both visit her often. Yuki came too a few times, and even though Rin doesn’t seem to like him much, she doesn’t completely dismiss him. Even Hiro visits.

And when Rin can’t get out of bed, Momiji will get into bed with her. 

Hatori takes a deep breath. Today was frustrating. Having Rin push him away is never something that’s easy to deal with.

And neither is the sick guilt he feels from being torn between her and Akito.

The kettle is whistling. Hatori turns off the stove and pours the hot water over his tea. 

He can’t provide what Rin needs— at least, not all of it. Hatori has been run-down by the curse and the Sohma family. He can’t rage against it like she can, he can’t turn away from Akito in any meaningful way. He knows she needs the validation of seeing Akito unforgiven. He knows how badly she needs it.

And no matter what, he can’t give it to her. Even without being present, Akito sits between them like a wall.

Hatori closes his eyes. It’s good that Rin has all her friends. It’s good she has Haru. Because for all he tries, Hatori knows that as long as he loves Akito, he will never be what she needs. 

But at least the rest of them can be. 

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'Hunger' by Florence + The Machine
> 
> follow me on tumblr at https://valkyriered.tumblr.com/ :)


End file.
